As I chose this topic to deliberate upon, I first thought of mentioning about a small game I played in one of the trust building/team building workshops I attended three years back. So to a group of attendees in a hall, two people sitting adjacent to each other were asked to look into each other’s eyes for a minute and do or say nothing. So all participants were excited for what the outcome of the game or I better call it an exercise, would be. Since we were saying or doing nothing and were just looking into each other’s eyes, that one minute passed too long. Of course there were some grins and giggles but it was overall both an intense and a fun minute. Thereafter, the host of the workshop asked each one of us to share our experiences of that minute. A person said, “this lady has a charming face”, another Sardarji said “Aidan lag reha si ki eh gusse ch hai”(It felt as if he is quite angry), another girl said, ” He has deep brown eyes”, a senior officer said, “I couldn’t look into his eyes properly as we both were wearing specs.” Another lean fellow said, “I felt this person is in some kind of stress”. Just one person in the hall said, “I experienced or felt nothing, I was just looking into my neighbor’s eyes for a minute since we were told to do so.” That was the BINGO moment!

I don’t know how many of you understood why I narrated this incident in context of the topic. But don’t worry, I am here to explain it. First of all let me tell you that the attendees were mostly unknown to each other and if at all known, the relation was purely professional. So with this one minute, the host wanted us to understand what we all do in our real lives that makes distrust more dominant amongst people and organisations than the trust proportion! WE JUDGE PEOPLE AROUND US FOR SIMPLY NO REASON.

The other day, a friend was telling me “This girl I met in the train was very smart” so I asked her, ” Did you know her already? To which she replied, ” Na yar, she was so fluent in English (she heard her talking to someone over call) and she was holding a violet Caprese, wearing a sea green textured Levi’s outfit…” She was about to go on and on, but then I stopped her midway and asked, how does all that define smart?

She was silent for a while then. We walked along and I told her about a little 8 year old girl, I had once met in a Rajasthan village while travelling to Jaipur. There was a “Gurjar Andolan” going on back then so we had to take a diverted route going through 3 villages. At a point, we almost got lost and it was also about to get dark, so I got down to seek some directional help. There were these kutcha huts all around and suddenly I saw a girl coming out with a jug of water as I was wandering for a few minutes around. She came to me and asked, ” Didi, aap paani loge” (Would you have some water?)I was surprised as I was actually feeling thirsty! She poured water out of the jug and I had a handful of it. I asked her name and age. She was 8 year old Anjali. (Not the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai 8 year old😂). So I asked her, “Anjali aap apne mummy ya papa ko bula sakte ho, muje Jaipur jaane ka rasta puchna hai”. ( Please call someone elder as I want to ask them the way to Jaipur). She said , “Mai batati hu”, (I’ll tell you), she walked me until a road, where she said ki from there I’ll have only one left turn to take ahead towards Jaipur. I confirmed from her whether she was sure she knew it correctly. She answered, “Didi, Jaipur ki bus yahin se jaati hai”( The bus to Jaipur takes this route only). I smiled at her, thanked her and simply believed her and took the road she guided me upon. I still cannot forget that innocent smile and confidence of the girl. Thanks to her, I reached Jaipur safely without getting lost further on way. I didn’t judge her for the language she spoke, the dress she wore, her messed up uncombed hair, the small kutcha hut 🛖 she lived in, but, until this day, I appreciate her courtesy to offer me water and her confidence to guide me (without using Google maps-There was no signal there, so I myself couldn’t use it).

I have seen people judging others by their name/surname, their clothes, the kind of house they live in, their color, their appearance, the language they speak and many more other weird criteria. I feel, we lose half our human relationships there itself. Had I judged the little Anjali upon any of the above criteria and resisted to take her help, I might have ended up lost and thirsty both!

People tend to ignore talking to others who are not as well dressed as them, or pass a smile to a poor house kid, or speak to a non English speaking person, or greeting someone passing by who is different in appearance/abilities. Because we judge and create opinions in our mind without even knowing the actual person inside him/her. This is where we need to correct or manage our Art of Judging.

Friends, we cannot judge others until we keep ourselves in their shoes. The most judged category of our society is the ” Daughter in law”. If she doesn’t know cooking, she is not a good bahu. If she doesn’t get up early, she is irresponsible. The truth might be, that cooking might not have been her passion, she might have spent time in pursuing something else that we didn’t recognise. She might have been too tired to wake up early!

Another most judged category is “Colleagues”. ” He stays in office until boss stays”, “He will make atleast 10 visits a day to boss’ room to keep him influences.” “He comes in tie and cuffs just to impress his GM”. “She takes advantage of her being a female employee”. “He wants his appraisal perfect, so he is a yes-man”. ” She talks in English to show herself superior” Hundreds of such statements can be often heard around at workplace. They actually don’t bother the person whom these statements are about, but only the ones who make them. There is simply no reason of passing such judgements when we actually introspect. These are just, unjust, unproven, baseless opinions/illusions that we create in our minds for people around us which prevent us from having healthy relationships at work.

And last but not the least, the third most common victims of getting judged are “Strangers” or I better call them ” Acquaintances”. As soon as we pass by, travel with or meet someone, we start creating opinions upon the pre-defined criterias of dress, language, name, place of living, food etc. If the person is wearing some branded clothes, we would like to greet or pass a smile. If it was a dark colored lady in a saree, passing by and greeting Namaste, we may not like to greet back! We may not like our child to play with another who is dark in color, or lives in the nearby slums and has uncombed hair(not realising that he might not have a comb at all).

Now just, put a reverse gear and review the above judged categories and criteria, you’d all relate and will be able to revive memories related to what has been expressed through this prose until now. I am not saying that you can dress up as you like for a party, wedding or a funeral that doesn’t suit the occasion, or you can speak or behave as you want even if it has a hurtful intent!Because, that’s where common sense works which is definitely not free of judgement and the outcome then is not the judgement, but rage!

Remember, we are humans, and whom we are living with, working with, dealing with, meeting with, are also mostly humans!(I have mentioned “mostly” because there are many wonderful Animal Lovers out there who might have more of their work involved dealing with or taking care of animals and birds around us, so no judging please🙏. I know animals would neither read, nor judge, I am just talking to all my fellow humans out there😊)

I feel that JUDGING is also an art that one learns and imbibes without having taught in books or universities! Each and every person is an artist that way and has unique ways of JUDGING. Friends, had we all been JUDGES, the amount of hard work and practice required for building any judiciary system would be redundant!

So let’s all relax and lead lives in our own shoes, play our own roles with trust, self-introspection and continuous self-improvement, rather than judging every other person around us for what he does or how he looks! Let’s occupy our minds in doing or developing something constructive for betterment of our own and other lives around us.

Let JUDGES do their jobs and us do ours!

Dear Readers, as I sign off, I hereby declare that the above feelings and thoughts are purely mine and any relation of the above with any of your experiences is purely coincidental. So if any of you have started judging me on this post of mine, it simply won’t bother me at all, I’d still be busy expressing with my pen. My advice to all those JUDGES would be, you all better get busy too!

And would you like to know who that person in the workshop was, who gave the BINGO moment by saying “I experienced or felt nothing, I was just looking into my neighbour’s eyes for a minute since we were told to do so.” (the one mentioned just in the beginning of this prose)?

Any guesses?

Congratulations! You are absolutely right, but you are not getting one crore for this answer😆

It was ME!!

Signing off without judging and thanking you in anticipation for not judging me,

Yours Shruti!